Sunday, May 13, 2012

The Motherless Society: Year Four

The Motherless Society: Year Four

For those of you who have lost a mother, I am so sorry; my heart goes out to you. I empathize. Really, I do. Today marks the fourth Mother’s Day without my mother. All I can say is that it sucks, and it will continue to suck. (*Enter sad trombones here*)  I can say that as you delve and travel through the dark, murky, angry, ugly tunnel of grief, the intensity of the pain will lessen. The old adage of “time will heal” is true to an extent, although I respect your timeline and I require others to respect mine. You have my blessing and permission to tell anyone who tries to tell you to “move on, already” or “get over it” to shut the hell up.

I have to say that this helliday is the hardest to endure. Other people get to bring their mothers flowers or take them to lunch. If I am able, I get to bring flowers to my mother’s grave. (And for the record, I haven’t today. That’s personal. Don’t ask me about it or attempt to make me feel guilty about not visiting. Sometimes it’s just too hard. )

Mother’s Day tends to put me in a surly somber sarcastic sardonic mood, but not as much as the days and weeks beforehand, thanks to advertising and commercialism. (I’m all for capitalism, but the Mother’s Day ads annoy the hell out of me.)

I had to resist the urge to snarl at the bagger at the store recently after he said, “Happy Mother’s Day” to me. I would like to take this time to educate this young man, among others, why it is insensitive to say Mother’s Day to a woman someone does not know:

1.) The woman may have suffered a miscarriage or lost a child/children.

2.) The woman may have lost her mother/mother figure.

3.) The woman may have not be a mother and/or may not be able to have children.

4.) The woman may be on the outs with and/or not speaking to her mother/mother figure.

So young man, an innocent, offhand remark like “Happy Mother’s Day” is not a benign statement. For some people, it is a rose. For others, it is a thorn. (Okay, a hair band song just entered my head. You have my permission to sing along.) Instead of rolling those empty words off your na├»ve tongue, just say “Happy Sunday” or "Have a nice weekend." You don’t even have to say anything at all to me. Just please don’t say “Happy Mother’s Day.”

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