Mist in the Darkness

I was driving to libraryland today when a song came on the radio: I Will Survive by Gloria Gaynor. I have fond memories of this song. One of my oldest and dearest childhood friends and I danced to this song at my wedding. It was disco 1997 style, but it worked and it was fun. Although the lyrics to the song are technically about a breakup, the words are also about loss and resilience. Plus I love the name of the singer. Gloria. My grief tends to waft in like mist in the darkness. The sadness creeps in at nighttime when all is quiet, those final minutes before I drift to sleep. And when the intensity causes my vision to blur with tears and when I choke, the moment leaves as quickly as it arrives. A gray fog hovers and surrounds me. I have moments of clarity and normalcy in-between the fog. I am so fortunate to have family and friends still surrounding me as I creep forward in the fog. Yesterday was horrible as I had to go through so much hassle and proverbial red tape to unfreeze my assets. Since my mother was on our accounts, I had to retrieve her death certificate, hassle with the bank and the county-city building, and back to the bank. It took most of my Monday and most of my energy. Today was a much better day. It was a productive day in libraryland and Steve and I worked out. Exercise helps with the grief. There were holes in the fog where I could see light.