Losing Pink Elephants and Finding Pink Clouds

October 01, 2020

Losing Pink Elephants and Finding Pink Clouds

There is a full moon tonight.

It is also the first day of October 2020. This day is significant, not only because of the moon (although it is cool), but because this is the evening where I admitted to myself and to a group of people that I am an alcoholic. This is the first time I have written that down as well.

I wondered if I should or should not write about this, but why not? Diseases like this only grow in the darkness and silence. I am tired of existing in the darkness and silence. I am weary of living in the shadow of my best self. Not that I ever saw pink elephants, but I am happy to leave the concept of them behind along with the trail of empty wine bottles and glasses.

Now that I am nearly 15 days sober, I am looking for the pink cloud. (Apparently, this is a happy time for sober peeps when the fog of despair clears and there is a renewed happiness.) My pink skeleton danced out of the perfectionism closet tonight. Honestly, I am resentful and surly because I am cursed with this disease, but I hear that is normal and it will pass. Meetings and prayer and vigilance will help me in this journey.

Comments

Marci Ullery said…

Beautiful, strong woman! You are fiercely fighting your demons! They say, you are only as sick as your secrets! Your courage will surely give someone else the courage to admit to their demons, and to get help! Everyone needs help along this path of light, which is fraught with stumbling blocks. Congratulations to you for your strength and bravery! I love you!!!!!

11:49 PM

Lisa Gay said…

It seems odd to say...but I need to say it...CONGRATS! You have made it over a huge hurdle in your journey! You are one of the most decent people I know. You deserve a happy life. I hope you know that I’m always behind you and that I care about you. And I’m keeping you in my prayers.

10:25 AM

Alison Stankrauff said…

My Friend - I congratulate you. It’s a huge and scary step. As someone who swore off alcohol a few years ago (while I was living in Michiana), I’ve been there. I know it’s difficult to look deep inside and fave it. But it’s so freeing once you do. I love you and give you big kudos!

10:41 AM

Kelley Collins said…

Your beauty is only outshined by your courage. You are strong and you are loved my friend.

12:45 PM

julie reed-cox said…

I am too!!! Haven't drank for 21 years. PM me if you want to talk about it and what recovery looks like.

5:49 PM

Marti Heline said…

You took a brave step with this heartfelt post, Lori.They say admission is the big first one forward. You are so wonderful and supportive; let your friends do this for you as you move forward. Love, support and hugs, Marti

4:15 AM

Rachael Thompson said…

I remember the year after my wedding was called off; the wedding I’d patiently waited and hoped for a decade plus some. It was the event that would my blurred edge life into focus. No one knew how depressed I was. I hid it well. The bottle of wine didn’t open till dinner time or after I put our kiddos to bed. Each night I drank an entire bottle. I remember bouncing from wall to wall in a dazed state of existence till I could pass out for the day. One day while taking out the recycling I peered into the bin full of mostly wine bottles. I thought to myself this is not good. So I stopped and dealt head on with the toxic relationship I was in. That moment in front of my recycling bin was a monumental pivoting point in my life to a healthier and free me!
My lovely, you have taken a brave step and many positive steps will follow. Blessings! I will be praying for you and holding you tightly in my heart.❤️ God loves you. I’m here for you in any way you need!

7:23 AM

Unknown said…

You have a gift Lori. Your writing is good. You are very COURAGEOUS and I know it took a lot to type the words to the world and set them free. From one sister to another, I am cheering for you, you can do this!

9:07 AM