Reflections on Grief and the End of 2009

It's almost the last night of the year. I am sitting here on the couch next to Steve, watching Jay Leno and trying to keep the cats corraled.

Let's just say it's been a hell of a year. That's an understatement. I am a different person today than I was on December 29, 2008. I'd like to think I am a better person. I'm definitely an older person... not just chronologically, but spiritually. There is a certain knowing, a sadness, a wisdom that stares back at my reflection.

I've experienced the entire spectrum and stages of emotions and grief. And I didn't know until experiencing it that Elizabeth Kubler-Ross's five stages of grief are messy. You don't evolve naturally from denial and isolation (stage one), anger (stage two), bargaining (stage three), depression (stage four), to acceptance (stage five). It skips back and forth.

I'd like to think I'm over the big grief hurdles, especially with the hellidays. One more observance (January 13) and our family and friends will have survived one year without Mom on Earth. I miss her. I miss her everyday. I do know that love never dies, she is always with me, and that I will carry her memory and her spirit with me into the new decade.