Awake Before Twilight

Twilight (noun): 1.) the soft glowing light from the sky when the sun is below the horizon, caused by the refraction and scattering of the sun's rays from the atmosphere. 2.) a period or state of obscurity, ambiguity, or gradual decline.

Today, I light two candles. Today, I learned that there are two definitions for the word twilight, both meanings apply. I'm awake before sunrise. In fact, I'm awake before twilight. Too much coffee the evening before and too much on my mind during the night. So, I write until the sky starts to change and then I'll move to the porch and take a peek at the sunrise. I might as well enjoy the sunrise if sleeping through it is not an option.  

My mind is heavy with uncertainty about the unknown. I've been given a lot of pieces to a diagnostic puzzle but I don't have answers. Not all of them, anyway. I have mild fatty liver disease and now a failed stress test.  More tests are needed to find out if my body is gradually or quickly declining so I can fix it. 

Meanwhile, I will try to be present and be okay in the twilight and knowing that this morning, today, the sun will be coming up even if  I don't have all the answers and the rest of the household will be awake.